Seven is the new Six

Abracadabra crash boom bang and with all the other such shenanigans seven becomes the new six. A new me, a new you, a brand new all of us, a bunch of new promises, a truck full of new dreams, a totally new life, a refreshingly new beginning...you get what I am trying to say. Basically a whole new year. One full year ahead. Kind of like a sparkling new carpet.

However so many things remain from the old six. For starters my habit of delaying. It’s almost half a month into the New Year and finally I get down to writing this. Secondly I just can’t get the analogy of the clean new carpet waiting to be bedraggled out of my oh-so-demented mind. Just imagine a brand new carpet...the promise of such mindless boundless fun. I am thinking oil spills, chewing gum and yes yes chocolate syrup. But no more I say let me drag my incoherent mind back to the topic on hand. Where was I now? Yes the old six. What about the old six. What not about the old six I say. It had all the drama of a b-grade sleaze flick. From legislations to protests to hunger strikes to steamy smooches to public interest litigation to child eating psychopaths. It did me proud at every turn.

The old six had a stellar star cast. Started off with the ultra most fascinating movie I had seen, at least in the old six. RDB took us all into an India lead by us. Itching all of us to stand up for ourselves and boy did we get the villain we were looking for. Cries of die Arjun Singh die rent the air. But unfortunately that was not to be. He lived and I humbly hope he lives to a ripe old age (may the rabid dog bite my tongue for this statement and my arse get punctured by multiple injections). The doctors went hungry and the academicians went crazy. Well no harm done they still went ahead and got the law passed. Long live the elected members of our country. But that was not the end of the comic strip being published out of our legislature. We had mamta banerjee claiming rape or am I exaggerating here. My message to the man who tried to clean his hands on ms. banerjee's 'ejjot', you sick perv get someone worth the trouble. Also later in the year we saw her on a diet spree. Oh so jane fondaish...I have to say I am inspired. Coming this year a video of her doing an aerobic routine in her skin tights garunteed to make you lose all those extra fuilds in your body (author's note : no pun intended). Reminds me of my own resolution to lose weight this year. But more on that later.

Alright enough about those cartoons bringing us now to some other cartoons. Cartoons make our world go round me thinks. The old six also saw the return of sleaze to entertainment. Of all the sleaze, I enjoyed the ms.sawant bit for its sheer comic value especially the 'I am a bharatiya nari with extra deep neck lines and pallu sliding at every drop of a hat' bit or was it only 'I am a bharatiya nari'. Who cares we all got to see what she wanted to show...sorry I meant say. Good for you girl. Also I was a keen follower of ash-abhi love triad. I really wanted to know if Amit uncle would kick the bucket in case they get married being manglik and all. Finally my quest for knowledge was satisfied by the all knowledgeable voodoo doctors featured on the various news channels who claimed that keeping a pet boar in the bachan household shall safely bypass all such problems. No wonder they so close to amar singh. No silly I meant being a politician it is easier for him to get hold of a swine. Also the 'tankibhook baba' on tv told me that they shall have a sizzling sex life giving birth to a gazillion little babies. I wonder how they knew but I was happy with the answer anyway. Yes the old six saw the return of SRK making out with that deaf and blind girl from black, I think she was called Michelle. No wonder she gave into his charms because I can’t see any other explanation. However his don inspired me to ask every single unfortunate visitor on my door 'yes who is it?' and refuse entry until you say 'don'. I need help I know.

Well that covers politics and entertainment. Now what did I miss. Oh yes cricket. The only sport where we are among the top eight in the world. Don’t get excited, there is but only eight test playing nations in the world. Discussions and comparisons ranged from who would be the better in bed chapell, dravid or ganguly to mandira bedi's increasing bosoms thanks to the numerous news channels doing their duties most religiously. And as usual the game gained a lot from all such discussions. And for a change we saw another overrated star in a sport other than cricket. Ms. mirza did us all proud with her mini skirts and straight set losses to most of the top seeds and not so top seeds too. We love you ma'am keep your skirts up...I am making too many typos today. I meant spirits up. That covers everything I think. Sport is always easy to cover in our country. It’s always short and not so sweet.

There however were a large number of things which actually touched my cynical self in the old six. Like the return of the bhai and circuit with their new age retro cool mahatma. Like the sane people of this country refusing to believe that Jessica Lal was not actually shot and hence is not actually dead but is only pretending to be and hence should be hanged to death. Like the people of Mumbai who rose from the ashes of the serial blasts once again. Like the refusal of the people to be swept under the carpet by archaic despots. Like the brave act of Amir Khan to stand up for his rights to free speech as a citizen of this proud country. Looking back at all of these and many other such events I say the old six was truthfully an amazing year and as a friend told me the other day the Time person of the year 2006 is none other than 'You'. You who made it all happen in the old six. So I raise a toast to you as we create seven, the new six.